Outlier: Here I am ... wait, where am I?

So I find myself here, in the desert somewhere outside Joshua tree, telling an actor "I'm sorry, but you have to do it again," shooting a movie called "Outlier." His shirt is already drenched in red corn syrup. So then he puts enough fake blood in his mouth to make him gag and I say "cmon goddamnit let's roll now, now!" And then it's action and he's stumbling along, falls to his knees, and then artistically spits up a mouthful of blood onto an already existing puddle from the previous takes. This time though, he really goes for it, even falls over the side from his knees, coughing and dying. It's all fairly realistic. Then it's cut, everything is done, I have fake blood on my hands and I don't remember how, and it's time to get back to the real world.

So now I'm in my apartment in Burbank with Kevin and Ivette, who sublet it to me for almost a year. We're all moving out now and the place is bare. All day the furniture sat in the front yard, like someone got confused where the walls were, where outside ended and inside began. And I'm in the empty living room and Kevin's friend is trying hard to outdrink him. The next day they're gone and I'm moving a couch and a bed into storage myself with a giant Uhaul. I go home to empty rooms and piles of paper and find a bottle of wine and get ready to find my goodbye, as Holden taught me. After awhile I find it.

So then I'm at Lily's apartment, packing for the plane. It's even later now and I'm wrapping her secret birthday presents and setting up my computer for her. She is sleeping peacefully, totally out, and I already miss her, know it's going to take a lot to get by without her, even if I'm working on a feature film in NY fulltime for the next two months.

Here I am in New York, strange to be back, great to be back. I feel like I'm in Europe for some reason, travelling light, working hard. Decided to join a gym, started using a bigger wallet... these things show that I am becoming more mature. Every day wake up with a mission, working with great people, people who make movies for a living. Ended up on a terrace with Ted Hope, the guy who made New York film happen from 1990 on. Here I am: learning everything there is to learn being in a production office three weeks away from principal photography.

Found out that I got into the IFP directing lab for emerging directors, a workshop set up for people about to make their first feature. Right place, right time. Lab starts on Tuesday.